Those Wild Saturday Nights

Here is the written version of the poem I have performed in a video below. Please, if you have any feedback let me know.

Those wild Saturday nights.

It was late one night. A Saturday,

and I was partying hard.

The music was loud…

in my headphones,

which were connected to my laptop

where I was trawling the internet

for ‘the one’, for the long run, not one night of fun.

I didn’t mention anywhere on my profile

about the pint glass

I was drinking wine from.

Made4u88 – sounds promising.

Likes long walks on the beach,

travelling the world,

cuddles on the sofa and

kissing in the rain,

and clearly a big fan of clichés.

But his hair is more than slightly grey

and instead of long walks

it looks like he plays Halo all day.

Okay, maybe not for me, but how about…

Tomlikestea83?

Well, he likes tea, I know that much already.

And I love tea!

He says he’s funny, dark and handsome.

Hold on. I’m sure that’s not the phrase.

I check his details and…yep…five foot three.

It’s not that I’m terribly shallow,

I just don’t want ‘the one’

To make me look like the BFG.

But more to the point,

what do I say about myself?

I can’t describe myself as ‘bubbly’.

I might as well say

‘I’m fat but desperately trying to ignore it’.

But then I think,

if you can’t handle this jelly…

mmm jelly…

So where is my chubby chasing,

works with disabled children,

dog loving, muscle toning,

Ben and Jerry’s bringing

Six foot Adonis?

I want it to be a love like

rain splashing into gutters.

I want excitement to ripple

with every drop until

it fills right to the top,

and then with a sudden drop

we can just lay on the Earth

holding on as it turns like

a giant spinning top.

Is that really too much to ask?

Well, I’ll hold out hope a little longer,

but if there’s anyone out there

and you like what you see,

I’m a blonde size ten with a shoe size of three.